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What is So Happy About Bloody Australia Day?

Today is Australia Day. In Queensland at the moment we’re experiencing a big wet caused by an ex tropical cyclone. Its quite wet and windy outside which suits the nature of the arrival of the first fleet into Botany Bay a few days before the official invasion of Australia began. Botany Bay, didn’t turn out to be a good place to land for the 302 ships of the first fleet.  The cove was too narrow for all the ships to fit and the rocks around the cove were dangerous.. High winds and rough seas didn’t allow for a safe landing spot. A few days later, Captain Arthur Phillip, declared the whole east coastal band of Australia as “New Holland” under the dominion of the British Sovereignty. To some Australians and not just Torres Straight Islanders and Aborigines, it is the celebration of the British Invasion that began on the 26 January 1778. On this day, the original inhabitants of Australia and its surrounding Islands were taken over by a few uttered words in the name of King George III that none of the locals understood and barely gave it a more than a thought, like the passing of wind.

Eat Lamb on Australia Day

Australia Day is traditionally celebrated with ticket tape parades containing floats from local societies and organisations such as the emergency services. Its hard to tell at the moment if there will be any Australia Day parades today or on Monday. Normally major cities are littered not just with people and fallen wrappers of food and plastic drink cartons, but also deliberate bits of paper that fall or are thrust into the faces of those marching, The paper’s origins can be traced to a Tasmanian Forest that could have been world protected,  once rich in beauty, vegetation and unknown, now distinct wildlife.  Some Australians take Australia Day as a serious social setting. Getting together in their dungarees or dresses to play team sports such as Cricket, Soccer, and all sorts of Rugby games.  There is no fear found in these Australians who often set up their own playgrounds in a neighbourhood streets daring cars to interfere or fighting other families for prime positions in local parks that come with a few BBQs (pronounced Barbeque) and picnic tables.  Australians use fierce intimidating faces, snarls and foul language to intimidate each other, until one group moves off to find another prime location. But many Aussies on Australia Day, still prefer the traditional Aussie backyard that comes fully self contained and stocked with only original Australian Beer:  XXXX (pronounced: Four X) which is still locally brewed and now owned by a consortium of Japanese.

Though today marks the very day of the invasion for Aboriginals and Torres Straight Islanders, Australia is considered a multicultural nation.  There might be a few huge Hungis out tonight in other parts of Australia where there is no fire ban or rivers rising due to heavy rainfalls from Oswald, the Ex-Tropical Cyclone that has moved its way down the Queensland coast. As today is Saturday, Monday is the official public holiday, so many Aussies will get to have an extra long weekend.  There are those unfortunate teenagers who accepted work in catering or where a local shopping centre is putting on its celebrations. Its possible someone looking forward to the official public holiday, may get to spend the day with their employer because someone else bailed on their shift. Still any excuse for other Aussies to have an extra day off 😉  Sam Kekovich in 2008 in a serious address to NSW petitioned to have a whole week of Australia Day and BBQs.  The bill was stampeded  by a cow before it even made it to the state parliament.  Sam Kekovich’s live television announcement can be viewed below:

Such a Wonderful Day to Celebrate the Invasion of Unique and Ancient Cultures

We couldn’t have picked a more beautiful time to celebrate Australia Day with the big wet upon us and with schools expected to return to classes on Tuesday the traffic on the roads will be stop start as people slow down, wind down windows and brace the rain to stare with a strange and distasteful fascination for accidents.  I’m sure the holiday travelers who get stranded by swollen flooded creeks won’t mind too much, so long as they can climb trees and remain there for a week. It is just like Sam Kekovich imagined.

But a part from the Invasion BBQs, parades, sport and getting overfed with lamb, which turns out to be mutton anyway, what is Australia Day all about?

Mate, Mate, Mateship

Is it our  unique banter of Mateship, that many other insignificant countries also exhibit, that makes Australia Day, Australia Day.  That proud moment when mates will come to each others’ rescue, helping complete strangers that they’ve lived next to for the last twenty years and move their furniture upstairs as a river claims back its land.

In 2010, Sam Kekovich took his activist stance to the United Nations where he was afforded a brief moment to appeal to the rest of the World to become more Australian.  The pride in our Nation knows no bounds. We would force upon the rest of the world, our unique ideals and colloquialisms, especially on Australia Day.

For the true Aussie spirit lies beholden not to its is mother country Britain but to the uniting of two powerful and massive Nations, the United States of America and Australia.  All we have to do is give up Julian Assange and in return America will send us a thousand troops, CIA officials and Generals to protect our newly found, strike of bloody black gold.  In return, they promise not to steal our women like they did in WWII or start a brawl while stealing our women.  The USA will assist us with the transportation of our lucky new wealth, back to their oil tanker ships.  Our excellent contract negotiation skills, ability and consideration to read the fine print in contracts makes us feel safe in the hands of our new alliance.

Julian Assange, An Aussie Unsung Hero

Julian Assange, a true Australian hero was snubbed by the Queen of Australia at award ceremonies for the Australian Honor Medals and Australian of the Year titles. Ita Buttrose, another journalist who covered many, many serious and dangerous media excursions around her office about fashion and feminism during the seventies and eighties is this year’s recipient.

In a formal interview in front of a crowd of thousands of Assange supporters, Julian announced that he will continue the fight against governments that try to hide the truth of their atrocities from the rest of the World; like the barbaric eating of Kangaroo, an animal displayed on the Australian National Anthem.  Julian Assange will forge ahead, using the stars to guide him to make all governments transparent in their activities, so transparent they will eventually fade away.  Like  many Australians who believe in Freedom of the Press and Freedom  of Speech. Assange’s relentless publishing of World’s secrets is a passion to tell the people of  all Nations, of all Cities and of more Nations, to rise up against tyrannical governments and find out, without any doubt, what their Government is really up to on Friday nights down at the YMCA. While cleared by Federal Police of any illegal activities, the first Australian female Prime Minister refuses to give Julian Assange, a  safe passage home. This decision of Julia’s goes against the very fabric of time and space, where the Australia Act 1986 holds a special  condition that, all Australian citizens have the right to travel home and overseas safely. So, why doesn’t this apply to Julian Assange?

The Australia Act

Signed on 3rd June 1986, the Australian Act is a document which pulls our loving, caring, compassionate Christian ideals together and provides us with a significant, fair, just, and fair dink-um Aussie document making the Queen of Australia, its sovereign, while removing the judiciary powers of Britain altogether from future decisions.  Meanwhile, Britain holds onto a second copy of the Act which doesn’t grant Australia these rights.

Every Sunday, the British Parliament drops hints to her Majesty the Queen of England to visit her other Kingdom.  With the higher cost of living in the European Union, it would be far more economical for her to bring her corgis down under.  The Queen of Australia could immigrate and retire in Australia where she could defraud the systems of two countries, double dipping and claiming two pensions, while bringing with her, her entire royal entourage of corgis. She fancies letting them mate and finally wipe out the ferocious, scary and extremely dangerous Australian Dingo (which is in reality a very cute puppy), creating a new breed of Canis Lupis Coringoes to help combat the drop bears, and remove from office any politicians that disagree with the Queen or her appointed Governors.

There lies a strong movement within Bob Katter’s North Queensland party to make the 3rd of June the official and new Australia Day, celebrating our independence from the British and the beginnings of a new alliance with our super cousins in the U S of A.

Australia Day’s Celebration of Democratic Freedom

While the average Australian bloke seems satisfied in culling rare wildlife with his licensed 22, particularly if there is a fascinating story in it like a huge walk-about and a few rubber crocodiles he had to wrestle, drop bears are still the most ferocious man eating dangers in Australia.  Australians have been forced, held at drop bear point and then smothered with cute cuddles and fanged kisses. A new request to change the Constitution of Australia is currently sitting in the back of our Prime Minister’s Ute.  This amendment will force all Australians back to the polls to reword the Australian Constitution. The amendment will afford all Aborigines and Torres Straight Islanders equal citizen rights, recognising them as the original occupants of the land, and no longer counting Aborigines or Torres Straight Islanders, as servants to the Queen and her British Commonwealth.

Some Australians those not suffering with beer-itis and an inflated stomach, may vaguely recall having voted on something similar to this before in the 1960’s. Many are not even wondering about why its being done again,  especially as there was an overwhelming 90% of  Australians and 6 states who wanted the constitution changed to recognise Aborigines. This new amendment will finally accept and represent all True Blue Aussies, who desire our rich and colourful culture belonging to the original owners of this land.  It will give all Aboriginals and Torres Straight Islanders,  a democratic right to belong in Australia as a full Citizen to be counted in the census of the land, that the British Empire stole from the original occupants On this day, not yet written in our history books, Australia will truly become an independent Federal Commonwealth of Australia. It is this important referendum that will show Australian mateship at its finest, introducing a new Public Holiday, Australia Day II.  Only then, will we join in Mateship and finally do something about those Kiwi’s and their dressed up mutton which is supposedly ‘lamb’, which infiltrates a true Australia Day BBQ of beer,  prawns and steak.

But, there will be no BBQs in the many parts of Queensland today.

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