‘Off The Hoff’, Cometh This Hour, Came Jimmy Kimmel

A grave injustice is being perpetrated in Germany.  There is an ancient saying, ‘Cometh the hour, cometh the man‘.  In this hour of need the man is Jimmy Kimmel.  Most of you will by now know that Justin Bieber’s monkey was stripped from him at an airport in Germany.

Jimmy Kimmel
‘Off The Hoff’, Jimmy Kimmel’s brave crusade to sacrifice the life of one man to save Mally the monkey.

Justin Bieber’s monkey Mally could end up spending months in a German animal shelter after the singer was given an extension to sort out the paperwork needed to get the animal back.

The animal was confiscated by customs officials in Munich as Bieber flew in from LA to perform a series of concerts. Now the pop star is trying to get his pet back.

Mally, a capuchin monkey, was given to the singer for his 19th birthday last month from music producer Jamal ‘Mally Mal’ Rashid. He had been taken away from his mother when he was only nine weeks old. [ dailymail.co.uk ]

Mally The Monkey and Jimmy Kimmel
Mally, unjustly incarcerated by the Germans.


Despite calls for Seal Team Six and Mossad to join forces in a heroic rescue attempt, it appears distractions in the Middle East and in North Korea are seen as more pressing matters in the eyes of our shortsighted, narrow minded politicians.  Justin Bieber has been under a lot of stress of late, evidenced by violent outbursts and a recent sojourn at a hospital.

The last thing that Justin, or the world that depends on what some people call his music needs is for the monkey to be taken from him.  Some ‘environmentalists’ say that the monkey is better off climbing trees and hanging out with other monkeys.  Well there are plenty of monkeys in the world being monkeys in just such a fashion, why can’t this one monkey fly on private jets, stay in five star hotels, and indulge, in moderation of course, whatever chemical mischief the pop star is partaking in.

‘Off The Hoff’ – Jimmy Kimmel To The Rescue

Jimmy Kimmel has issued an ultimatum to Germany.  Release the monkey by midnight, Thursday, April 11th, or David Hasselhoff will be killed.  ‘Off the Hoff’ is the official slogan.  To show the world he’s serious he has made a preemptive strike against a German chocolate cake.

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Personally, I would have elected to off Kid Rock in place of David in the unlikely event that Jimmy doesn’t succeed, but let’s not get distracted by details.

When Germany failed to adequately respond to Jimmy, he went so far as to engage a German translator to ensure the leaders of the tyrannical government understood the demands, lest they lose their beloved Hoff out of ignorance.

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I nominate Jimmy Kimmel for the next Nobel Peace prize award.  If President Obama could be givend the prestigious award, then so should Jimmy.  He has inspired a nation to action to save our primate cousin from the prospect of being injected back into the wilderness to frolic among his peers, and whether Germany relents to his demands in these final hours towards the countdown or not, the world will remember that Justin Bieber did not stand alone.  Cometh this hour, came Jimmy Kimmel.  

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